margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
