16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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