she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
