But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
