Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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