He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
