The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
