There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
