Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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