Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
