we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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