it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
