I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Farmville is her only friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
