Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
