I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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