He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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