I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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