I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ugly people sure do ruin things
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
