i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
