I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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