First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
