Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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