She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
