I can tuck mytits in my pants
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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