The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
