just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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