she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
