i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize