My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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