Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
