I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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