You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
