At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
