i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
