I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
