I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
