I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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