Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
