Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
