The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
