if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
