and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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