I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
