If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I believe in your delicious
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
