btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
