Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
