Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
