I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
