My Higher Power is John Stamos
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
