I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
