In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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