Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
