Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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