Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
