Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's the barista slut.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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