idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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