I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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