In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
