I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
