my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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