"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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