all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
