my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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