I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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