Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
