you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
