bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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