I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
