And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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