Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize